“Can I be a good father/mother/partner and seek Enlightenment/Realization/Liberation at the same time?”
This is the question on the lips of many a spiritual seeker, who appear to be confused in their newly-found desire for spiritual growth on one hand, and so-called “family situation” on the other.
Is it possible to be a loving partner and have a happy marriage? Is it possible to be a dotting father/mother? There’s is stage in one’s spiritual progress when these questions will arise.
Sure, it is possible. Although, extremely difficult for those who, declaring themselves to be spiritual seekers, want to progress into the advanced states of consciousness, and attain Realization.
Why is it so difficult if not impossible? Oh, it really is obvious to those who are well past the point where you are now, dear questioner. Put simply, the ideas and motivations behind the family life are contradictory to the tenants of the non-duality that attempts to portray Truth.
For now, if for no other reason, but for the sake of “economizing” your spiritual work, the answer needs to be presented to you right here and now.
Then, you’ll “decide” where do you fit better; in a family life or as an earnest spiritual seeker, with a single “mind” serving a sole life purpose, and knowing only “I”.
For the true Sadhaka knows no others – unicity prevails always!
Approached from the non-dual perspective, the world we live in is nothing but a passing show. We – you and I and others are no more than “food bodies” each stamped with the sense of “I am”. Or, in more general terms, toys and props belonging to and made of the consciousness, Universal Consciousness. But, all the great majority of humans know is their purportedly unique share of the world (called in spirituality, the personal consciousness). The world they perceive and their role in it are both so “real” that they obscure the Unmanifested Reality, where our common seed of Beingness lies.
Such a false view of reality produces the whole spectacle of human existence, with its dramas, emotions, tribulations, etc. One of the most common feelings is that of love. And whilst for the advanced student of spirituality love is superseded by the sense of unity with God, for the rest love has many meanings. Even if we ignore the most trivial ones (such as those related to the carnal acts), there will be plenty left for love to remain the cornerstone of the family life… that most of humans desire to have, one day. However, a deeper insight into the real function and meaning of love will reveal how deluded are those who build their earthly reality on its foundations.
See for yourself:
1. Girl loves boy, and vice-versa: they merely like each other’s company; mainly, because they can “shine” and feel appreciated.
2. “Making love” is arguably one of the most common misnomers. Everybody knows that love is felt not made. Yet, the common perception is that somehow, by engaging in the series of squizzes, wriggling, pushing, thrusting, rubbings and a whole lot more of mainly friction-centered physical activities, an outflow of love will take place.
No, it won’t, unless you equate the orgasm and ejaculation with love; perhaps, in a liquid form…
3. When the boy meets the girl, they marry and a family is started. And why would they do that? Because they love each other? No, because they have joined forces in order to increase their individual securities. They know by then, that it is much easier to survive, let alone prosper in the world as a couple. And of course, having a common bed means being able to engage in those “friction producing” amorous activities at will, or so it then seems…
4. After staring a family, the next is to have children. Why? Because they will be the “visible fruit of our love”. Really? In the more prosperous families, children are often treated as nothing more than glorified pets, and equally neglected. Amongst the poor, children are either the unwanted result of “making love” or a source of cheap labor, and a support in the old age.
Isn’t it obvious by now that family, love and all those warm names and feelings are nothing more than a way to play out one’s role in the spectacle we call a life?
There’s nothing honorable and godly in starting a family and having children, despite of what your ego is telling you.
There’s nothing spiritual in feeling love toward others, if you don’t love yourself. For in loving the Self that you verily are, you love All, for It is indeed your Family. This is one and only love that true spirituality knows. The rest is illusion.